Is there anyone on this green earth with more white privilege than my favorite international man of mystery, Hunter Biden? Through some accident of birth, I’m stuck out here in the suburbs trying to make ends meet for my family. Meanwhile, Hunter Biden gets to be a world-class goof who does literally nothing right – and he never gets in trouble for anything! This is NOT FAIR.
At least I can live vicariously through Hunter Biden every time that he makes the news. Speaking of which! Here he comes again! And wouldn’t you know it, Hunter Biden has so much white privilege that he’s literally the only white person on planet earth who has a lifetime pass to use the N-word without consequences!
As we all know, using the N-word is a crime that is more serious than practicing police restraining holds on George Floyd. (Oh… sorry. Too soon?) We’ve seen everyone from college professors reading Huckleberry Finn out loud to newscasters be canceled for using the N-word in the most innocent possible ways. Out of all the white privilege stuff that “my people” do, using the N-word is the absolute worst. That’s what we’ve been taught since the 1990s, so it must be true.
But according to the Daily Mail in London, which publishes more American news than our own news media can be bothered to, Hunter Biden uses the N-word all the time. The Daily Mail found some more text messages on the Laptop from Hell and sure enough, Hunter Biden texts the N-word to his $840-an-hour lawyer all the time. He just drops the N-word in casual conversation.
You’ve probably already seen numerous right-leaning outlets remarking on this story, but it’s far more hilarious than you’ve been led to believe. Seriously, go read the full chain of Not Safe For Work text messages in context if you can find them. Hunter Biden is not just saying the N-word to his lawyer. He’s saying the N-word to his lawyer while having a conversation about his pee-pee. (And yes, I just referred to it as Hunter Biden’s pee-pee. Saw the movie. Wasn’t impressed.)
The result of this has been an even bigger media blackout than we experienced when the Laptop from Hell was discovered during the 2020 presidential campaign. It’s crickets all the way down. All the news media outlets that hold up a BLM fist during their newscasts are amazingly disinterested in the fact that Hunter Biden uses the N-word like he’s some wannabe rapper. No cancellation for my man Hunter!
Seriously, what do I have to do to get this much white privilege in my own life? Hunter Biden gets to use the N-word and it makes the international newspapers and nothing happens to him. But if I make ONE wisecrack about James Comey’s questionable sexuality, I end up on double-secret probation with my editor here at American Liberty Report. This is SO NOT FAIR!
How much white privilege does Hunter Biden have? Check this out:
Hunter Biden has so much white privilege that a president in the opposition party appointed him to sit on the board of Amtrak in 2006. Yeah. George W. Bush appointed Hunter Biden to the Amtrak board. During his Senate confirmation hearing, a slightly confused Hunter Biden said he felt qualified to run Amtrak because he had ridden on passenger trains in the past.
The Senate confirmed him unanimously!
I also love the way the media describes Hunter Biden getting kicked out of the Navy as if it happened decades ago. But it was 2013! Normal white people have to go through a pretty rigorous process if they want to be commissioned as an officer in the US Navy. You have to spend four years at the US Naval Academy in Annapolis; or, you can go through the rigorous Officer Candidate School in the Marine Corps (way tougher than Marine Corps boot camp). But not if you’re Hunter Biden!
In 2013, Vice President Joe Biden simply commissioned his ne’er-do-well son as an officer in the US Navy in a special ceremony at the White House. Hunter Biden was 43 years old at the time. Not to worry, though, because Hunter failed a urine test just 30 days later and got the boot. If a doofus like Hunter Biden gets to run Amtrak and gets a commission as a Naval officer in his 40s, don’t I at least deserve to be running Delta Force or something?! C’mon, man!
At least we know that Hunter Biden won’t be facing any social consequences at all after this little N-word controversy. Which means he’ll be back again very soon, and I’ll be able to live vicariously through him some more.
P.S. I can’t believe I just wrote an entire article about my man Hunter Biden without mentioning the giant owl that led him through the Mojave Desert on the night of the 2016 election, Hunter’s stay at the desert enema clinic for the rich and famous in Arizona, Ms. Puma St. Angel blowing tunes on a weird goat-horn thing as Hunter did transformational hippie campfire dancing, or how he left his crack pipe and his iPhone in his rental car at the end of that whole deal. I must be slipping.